My Purple Bible

For Mother’s Day I asked my husband for a new Bible.  I realized one of the reasons I stopped reading mine is because the print is so itty-bitty that my eyes go cross just looking at it, and that’s with contacts in!

I had 4 requirements for my new Bible:

1.  Large Print.  I don’t care if people laugh at me and call me an old lady because they can read my Bible from across the room.  I can’t!

2. ESV.  My church uses the English Standard Version.  The pastor gave good reasonings why, so I figured I’d “convert” from my NKJV to ESV and give it a try.

3.  Study Bible.  Sometimes the Bible is overwhelming or there are cultural things I don’t understand, so I thought a study included would be a nice reference to use.  Although, the study added makes the Bible bigger which adds to the overwhelming-ness, defeating the purpose of having a study.  Plus, being large print the thing is going to weigh over 20 pounds!  None-the-less I want a study Bible.

4.  Purple.  Yes, this is a requirement.  I have observed that most people have a favorite color, but people who like purple are much more obsessive about it.  I am one of those purple freaks.

I was at the bookstore a couple of days before Mother’s Day …Side Note:  My mother taught me that books are your friends.  They teach you and entertain you.  My favorite are memoirs because I prefer to learn from other people’s mistakes rather than my own…  While at the bookstore I saw it.  On the “50% Off This Week Only” Table.  My new Bible.  It was large print, ESV, study Bible and catch this- it was brown with a large purple stripe down the cover, embossed with feminine flowers.  I called my husband, “Should I get it?’  He answered, “Yes! And get your name on it too.”  My name on it?  I’ve never had a “personalized” Bible before!

I took it up to the cashier and told her casually (I was trying to hide my excitement because I didn’t want to look like a dork) I wanted to personalize it.  She showed me the options for the script and colors.  It only took me about 20 minutes to choose a style (I’m a slow decision maker).  I chose purple.  She laid out the metal letters and had me spellcheck it.  I’ve only had my last name for 3 years and for a brief second I feared I’d spell it wrong and look like an idiot.  Audrey G-U-E-R-N-E.  “Yes, that’s correct.”  The lady seemed nervous.  I asked her if I was making her nervous by standing over her shoulder, intensely watching her about to permanently stamp my Bible.  She responded, “It used to but not anymore.”  I wondered what I would do if it was lopsided.  Demand a new one?  Be humble and say, “It doesn’t look that bad when you look at it with your head tilted”?  She lowered the level to stamp it.  She paused.  I think I was beginning to sweat.  Maybe I should spellcheck it again?  She asked the other cashier to come and check if it was centered.  I was thinking about grabbing my Bible and running.  I bet this is what it feels like to get your first tattoo.  Fifteen minutes later she had me holding the Bible to steady it while she stamped it.  She lifted it off of the press.  I held my breath.  Please don’t be lopsided. Please don’t be lopsided.  I saw it.  “It’s beautiful! Thank you.”

I couldn’t wait to take my Bible home and show my husband what he got me for Mother’s Day.   I asked him to wrap it for me.  “Don’t worry,”  I told him “Of course I will act surprised  when I open it.”

Oh and yes, it does weigh about 20 pounds.  I’m not sure how I’m going to carry my 8-month-old son Benjamin, my almost 2-year-old daughter Amelia, and their diaper bag filled with all of their goodies.  It’s a good thing I have a wonderful, attentive, loving, hard-working husband name Steve, to help me.


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